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Sunday, April 9, 2017

Chuck Norris and Pickleball

Chuck Norris was here...

The Pickleball Forum is great and here is yet another example.

In honor of Chuck Norris' birthday today, I thought we could share stories of his legendary pickleball play. 
  • Chuck Norris once took gold at Nationals while doing a handstand the entire time and using a mini paddle between his toes!? He even pulled off several around the post shots in this manner.
  • Chuck Norris once won a match while literally cooking eggs and bacon in the kitchen the entire game
  • Chuck Norris once took gold at Nationals in doubles playing by himself and using only a tongue depressor for a paddle.
  • Chuck Norris puts another hole in a pickleball every time he hits it. 
  • Chuck Norris only plays singles against teams of six. He feels he should give the other team a chance.
  • Chuck Norris’ dinks go through the net. Byron Freso scratched his head and consulted the USAPA rule book.
  • Chuck Norris once won 316 to 0 in a game to 11.

  • Chuck Norris stepped in the Kitchen and made a perfect omelette.
  • Chuck Norris referees his own matches due to referee shortages.
  • Chuck Norris once won by lobbing so high his opponent died of old age before the shot landed.
  • Chuck Norris could eat a whole jar of pickles while playing singles
  • Chuck Norris once ran so fast that after he served the ball that he ran around the net and hit the return for a winner.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't even use a paddle to play, he just looks at the ball and it goes back over the net.
  • Chuck Norris once played a singles match against Superman. The loser had to wear his underwear outside his pants
  • Chuck Norris is the only person known to have defeated a wall in a game of pickleball.

  • Chuck Norris once lob served and got fined by NASA for violating the space stations no-fly zone
  • Chuck Norris is the ONLY player allowed to serve before the score is called.
  • Chuck Norris’ tears after a pickleball loss can cure several infectious diseases. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris has never lost a pickleball game.
  • Chuck Norris can hit an erne from the opposite post.
  • Chuck Norris was a 5.0 rated player before he was born.
  • Chuck Norris is the only person to hit an around the post and an erne from the baseline.
  • Chuck Norris can condition a Pure 2 by just looking at it!
  • Chuck Norris coined the term dink...just to screw with us.
  • Chuck Norris is rated 6.0
  • Chuck Norris frequently gives his two timeouts and his medical to his opponents because he doesn't need them.
  • Chuck's placement is so good, he hits both opponents right between eyes with one ball in a single shot.
  • Chuck Norris is so good they make him play doubles by himself.
  • Chuck Norris is not allowed to play mixed doubles because all ladies freeze by the sight of his perfect 12 pack abs.
  • Chuck Norris gives his opponents choice of serve and side and a 10-0 lead.
  • Chuck Norris IS a rating in pickleball. But he's the only one in it.
  • Chuck Norris is the only player who has to get a concealed weapons permit for his paddle as a deadly weapon.
  • Chuck Norris’ matches require replacement of the net 11 times because of his third shot drive.
  • Chuck Norris playing is in a tournament means they have to keep ER trauma doctors with gunshot wound experience on staff in case someone tries to lob him.
  • When Chuck Norris ref's he can make line calls just by hearing the ball bounce.
  • Chuck Norris gave the Ref a Warning!
  • Chuck Norris entered a singles tournament against the top 50 in the world. He ended up winning Gold Silver and Bronze in the same event. But he only kept the Gold since Silver and Bronze are for losers.
  • Chuck Norris once lob served and got fined by NASA for violating the space stations no-fly zone.

  • Chuck Norris can properly condition a pure 2 ball with a single touch!
  • Chuck doesn't need to dink - he death stares your own dinks right back at you!
  • Chuck Norris literally tore his left arm off to hit an overhead, and used his shoelaces to sew it back on.
  • Chuck Norris once stepped into the kitchen and built a pantry and stocked it before getting back out.
  • Chuck Norris never had an unforced error. The ball was simply too scared to stay on his side of the net.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast that he can take a one minute time-out in 30 seconds
  • Chuck Norris tried a lob once. The ball is still orbiting earth.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't hit "around the post" shots........the post actually moves out of the way for him!
  • Chuck Norris has a necklace made out of Referee teeth.
  • Chuck Norris went to go play some pickleball in the Virgin islands. Now they're just called the Islands.
  • Chuck never dinks. His only strategy is to smash balls into his opponent’s chest.
  • Chuck Norris' dinks have left permanent welts on his opponents.

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